


Monster

by Aouregan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Loyalty, Male Friendship, Marauders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2020-04-23 15:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19154104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aouregan/pseuds/Aouregan
Summary: Werewolves are considered by most in the wizarding world to be subhuman, not worthy of having the same rights and freedoms that they do. Remus Lupin knows that he's a monster, that he's something to be reviled and feared. He knows that he can never reveal his secret to his best friends, but when he's forced to write 'Monster' in his own blood, keeping secrets is no longer an option.Based off of ThatOneAnimagus' work titled 'The Marauders and Umbridge'.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Marauders and Umbridge](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/489199) by ThatOneAnimagus. 



> This story is a gift for the wonderful ThatOneAnimagus who has so kindly allowed me to write a story based on their story 'The Marauders and Umbridge'. This author has explored something that I never really had the courage to, and I fell in love with the story that they've written. ThatOneAnimagus has written a story that explores what would have happened had Umbridge been their professor. My little story is looking at a particular scene that was written into this author's work regarding a detention that Remus and his friends had with Umbridge (Chapter 20). While, this story takes great liberties with this author's talented work and the original is definitely far better, I wanted to really get into the head of Remus about what he had to endure at the hands of this professor.
> 
> This story is definitely going to have a few more parts as I really want to explore the aftermath of this professor's abuse. However, if the original author thinks that I've played around with their story too much, then I will respect their decision and will edit as necessary to round off the ending.
> 
> For context, this story is set in the Marauders second year at Hogwarts. I have changed a few things that occur within the original story that haven't already been changed in the original, and apologize profusely to ThatOneAnimagus. I mean absolutely no disrespect to you or to your amazing story, and hope that I can redeem myself as the story continues on. I think this one will only be about two or three parts.

As Remus Lupin walked along the corridor towards the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, he felt a growing sense of unease. He didn’t understand why he felt as though something awful was going to happen, but he did know that with Umbridge as the professor, that something usually did happen in the classroom. He glanced nervously at Sirius and James who were in a heated argument about an essay that Professor McGonagall had assigned a few days earlier and were therefore oblivious to Remus’ distress.

“… I mean come on, Sirius, it’s not going to take very long…” James was saying to an obviously annoyed Sirius.

“Not take very long?” Sirius sputtered out in disbelief. “She wants an essay that is practically three pages…”

“It’s not three pages,” said James softly. “It’s more the content that she is looking for. You know what McGonagall is like when it comes to detail.”

Sirius sighed and shook his head. “It’s not the content that is the problem. It’s the fact that the professors seem to want so much out of us this year. We have too much homework that it is impossible to breathe.”

“Just admit it, mate,” said James in amusement. “You expected this year to be as easy as last year.”

“I do not!”

“You so did!”

“I was bored to tears last year. You know me, I am always up to a challenge.”

“You’re impossible, you know that?”

Remus rolled his eyes and let them continue without saying anything. He looked up the corridor and saw some of their classmates disappear into the classroom and a cold sense of dread washed over him. He came to a complete stop in the middle of the hallway and looked about him, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, and his fists clenched into tight fists.

Peter, who had been walking behind Remus and not paying attention because he was giving his essay for Umbridge a final look walked directly into him. Remus noticed Sirius and James give each other puzzled looks before they too came to a stop beside him.

“I am so sorry, Remus!” Peter squeaked as he moved quickly to be on the other side of Sirius. “I didn’t mean to walk into you, I am…”

Sirius stepped forward with a worried frown. “What’s wrong, Remus? You look as though you’re about to be sick.”

Remus struggled internally to find the words he could say. How could he explain that he felt that something was off without making a complete fool of himself to his friends? He looked about him quickly in the poorly lit corridor uneasily. It was almost as if something was watching their every move from the shadows, lurking just out of sight and waiting for him to be unaware so it could pounce. His heart was pounding so hard that it felt as though it was going to jump out of his chest, and he jumped when Sirius put his hand gently on his arm.

“What’s wrong? Is there something the matter? What’s going on?” Sirius asked, his grey eyes full of concern and something else that Remus couldn’t put his finger on.

“It’s… It’s nothing.” He averted his eyes from Sirius’ gaze and looked at a spot over his friend’s shoulder. He could see James and Peter give one another bewildered looks. “Look, class is about to start…” he started to say.

James looked down at his watch. “We have a few minutes before Umbridge gets here.” He looked up at Remus with a knitted brow. “Something’s bothering you. You get that look on your face when you sense trouble.”

Sirius released a breath that let Remus know that his friend was annoyed and glanced over at him pleadingly. “We aren’t going anywhere until you tell us what’s going on.” He held up a hand to stop Remus as he began to protest and crossed his arms over his chest with his jaw jutted out in a sure sign of stubbornness. “Now out with it, Remus! What’s bothering you? Even if Umbridge arrives in all her pink glory, we will not leave this corridor until you say what’s wrong!”

Remus glanced from Sirius to James and Peter as though hoping that they would intervene, but James appeared as stoic as Sirius was and nodded encouragingly at him. Peter was glancing from both Remus and Sirius with his mouth slightly open as though he was at a loss to know what to say or do.

“Something… something feels off today.” He finally relented and adamantly refused to look at any of his friends. He could feel himself go hot and knew that his face had turned pink. However, he continued because he knew that Sirius and James would pry the truth out of him one way or another. “I feel as though something is going to happen and…” he cut off looking wildly around the hallway again, he could hear the sound of Umbridge’s heels coming their way and he hurried into the classroom with his friends hot on his heels.

Sirius and James sat either side of him in their usual seat at the front of the class. Peter immediately took the empty chair on James’ right side and leaned over to speak to Remus.

“I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Remus.” Peter glanced nervously at the door, watching nervously for Umbridge to arrive. “You’re just overthinking that’s all. You’re probably worried because of the prank we recently pulled on Umbridge.”

James bit his lip and looked questioningly at Remus. “Maybe Pete has a point, Remus? You are the one that has the conscience when it comes to what we do. Maybe you’re just worried that…”

“That I’ll be expelled?” Remus hissed vehemently as Umbridge made her way down the row of students, her eyes locked on his. Immediately, he felt himself go cold. He recognized the look on her face and immediately looked down at the table just as Umbridge came to a halt in front of him.

“I know that you were the one that had been in my office,” she said in a sickly-sweet voice that made Remus feel sick to his stomach. “I know that you were the one that sabotaged my office and I think that warrants a detention, don’t you think, Mr. Lupin?”

Before Remus had a chance to respond, Sirius pushed his chair back and stood to his feet. “Do you have any evidence that points to Remus of any wrongdoing, Professor?”

“I suggest you take your seat, Mr. Black,” said Umbridge, her eyes flashing dangerously as she regarded Sirius.

“I will do no such thing, Professor.”

The class went suddenly still and silent, as though everyone was holding their breath and waiting for the worst to happen. Beside Remus, James’ hands clenched tightly into fists and he hissed something that went unheard by both Umbridge and Sirius.

“You didn’t answer my question, Professor,” said Sirius coldly. “Do you have any evidence that Remus did something?”

Umbridge smiled, a dangerous sign that only meant that Remus was going to suffer more in his detention later that evening. “I don’t need evidence, Mr. Black. I know things about Lupin that will make your hair curl.” She gave Remus a look of pure loathing and continued. He gave her a look of horror, feeling as though a hand had suddenly grabbed hold of his heart and was squeezing the life out of it. “Don’t be fooled by this… this… thing. He’s an evil menace that doesn’t deserve to be at this honourable school.”

“Pro… Professor… Please…” he stammered out. “You can’t. Dumbledore…”

“Is an old fool that clearly can’t see what kind of monster he’s allowed in,” Umbridge snarled, her anger and hatred towards him threatening to explode out of her. Remus recoiled as though she had slapped him, his eyes wide in disbelief and terror. After all the hard work that he had put into his classes, into proving to himself that he wasn’t some kind of monster that deserved to be hauled into the Ministry to be put out of its misery, that he was as human as all of his fellow classmates and deserved to be respected as such, and the friends that stuck by him no matter how odd he was… it all meant nothing in the end. In just a few seconds, he was going to be a disgrace, something to be reviled and feared. In just a few seconds his best friends were going to desert him. No one would want to be in a school with a dangerous creature like him. He would be thrown out from Hogwarts. Dumbledore would be disappointed in him.

“Yes,” breathed Umbridge in quiet triumph as she watched him. “Don’t you see? Even you believe that something as revolting and pathetic as yourself doesn’t belong anywhere near this school.”

Remus closed his eyes as tears threatened to fall down his cheeks. He felt his lip tremble and he quickly grabbed his bag to run out of class. Who was he fooling? Umbridge was right. He didn’t belong anywhere near or in Hogwarts. Dumbledore had lied to him when he had told him that he would be like any other student, that he had seen great promise in him, and that he had a bright future ahead of him. He was nothing more than a filthy monster, a creature that didn’t deserve to be considered human even though it had been human at one point. Werewolves didn’t deserve to go to school. Monsters like him deserved to be exterminated.

He jumped as a fist slammed into the table next to him, felt the chair next to him slam backwards and fall over with a thud, and looked up just in time to see an infuriated James stand up and face Umbridge. His hazel eyes flashed angrily, and sparks flew from the tip of his wand as he whipped it out and shoved it under Umbridge’s nose. Remus heard the class gasp around them and felt his face redden. He went to pick up his bag and rush out of the classroom as fast as he could, but felt Peter and Sirius draw closer to him and placed their hands on his shoulders protectively.

“That is enough!” James shouted as he moved closer to Umbridge, blocking Remus from her sight. “Do you not hear yourself!? You have targeted Remus from the first day of school and to be quite honest, I am sick and tired of it! What has he ever done to deserve such hatred? He’s done nothing to you! You are just a sad… You are just a pathetic…”

“Mr. Potter, that will be a week’s worth of detention!” Umbridge screeched, appearing almost demented with her eyes nearly popping from their sockets and her face twisted with anger “I will not tolerate…”

“I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU DO OR DO NOT TOLERATE!” James roared angrily. “You have absolutely no right to treat Remus the way you just did! He is the most intelligent, the most caring, the most kind and tolerant…”

“Leave my classroom now, Potter! I will not be spoken to like this in my own class!” Umbridge screamed at James, brandishing her own wand threateningly. “Your head of house will definitely be hearing about your intolerable behaviour, Potter.”

James stopped yelling, grabbed his bag and roughly swung it onto his shoulders. He brushed past Remus, Sirius, and Peter and was halfway to the door before he turned around and said loudly- “You know what I find most pathetic, Professor?” He paused and watched Umbridge’s face closely. “The fact that whenever you come across somebody who surpasses you in intelligence that you will attack him just to make yourself feel better!”

A ringing silence filled the room as James stomped out. Everyone was looking at Umbridge, who appeared to have forgotten that she was supposed to teach a class and was breathing hard as she paced the front of the class.

Remus pushed his chair to get up, white-faced and shaking. He made to lift his bag off the floor and place it on his shoulders, but Umbridge seemed to come to her senses once she saw him.

“I am sorry, Professor…” he began nervously.

“Sit down, Mr. Lupin!” Umbridge demanded, her eyes flashing threateningly. Once he had resumed his seat, she continued. “Yes, this will never do. Mr. Lupin, Mr. Black, Mr. Pettigrew, you are to come to my office this evening for your detentions. I will be writing a note to Mr. Potter that he is to accompany you to my office for his punishment.”

“Detention?” Pettigrew yelped, whipping his head around to face Umbridge with horror on his small face. He leaned forward and gripped the sides of the desk so tightly that his knuckles turned white. “Professor, I didn’t do anything wrong…”

“You were with your friends the day that my office was vandalized,” Umbridge said in a sweet voice, regarding Peter coldly. “Let this be a lesson to you to choose your friends wisely.”

 

“… That evil, disgusting, pathetic toad!” Sirius fumed as they walked quickly back to the Gryffindor Common Room nearly an hour later. “The way she went on about you, Remus! It was almost as if you were not even human. To do it alone in her office while you’re in detention is one thing, but to do it in front of an entire classroom made up of our peers? What was she playing at?”

Remus struggled to keep up with Sirius who was walking so fast that it was almost as if he was sprinting through the hallway. From beside him, Peter had to nearly run to keep up, his bag swinging wildly from his shoulder. Remus noticed Peter give him a nervous sidelong look but didn’t speak to him about what had happened. He knew that Peter was angry that he had received detention with the likes of Dolores Umbridge, but he hoped that his friend’s anger wasn’t directed at him.

“I didn’t think that she could sink to such a low level! She doesn’t have any evidence that anybody was behind that vandalism of her office. She just attacked you because she thinks you make a good target!” Sirius ranted, causing two fifth year girls in their House to give him a strange look. “Blimey, James is right when he says that Umbridge has been targeting you since she first saw you.”

“Sirius…” Remus began.

“To think that this evil toad is even allowed to step foot into this castle is ridiculous,” said Sirius, angrily shoving his way through the crowd of students heading downstairs to the Great Hall for supper. “She can’t teach! She clearly doesn’t like being at Hogwarts. She disrespects every single one of our professors, especially Dumbledore and McGonagall. I mean, why is she even here?”

Remus hurried his pace so that he could be beside Sirius. He needed to calm his friend down before he could hurt himself. He pulled at Sirius’ arm and was successful in slowing him down so that Peter could catch up to them.

“Th… thanks, Remus,” gasped Peter a few seconds later at the top of the staircase leading to Gryffindor Tower.

Remus nodded to Peter but didn’t release Sirius’ arm until they had reached the Portrait Hole. Sirius protested loudly that he could walk by himself, but Remus pulled him aside and glanced around the common room to see if he could find James.

“You must have some common sense, Sirius!” Remus hissed quietly as some seventh years brushed past him. “You can’t just talk about a teacher that way, including Umbridge. You know that she’s been looking for a way to throw you out of the school.”

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, but Remus interrupted him looking serious. “Do you really think that she doesn’t have ears throughout the castle? Just last week, a discussion between McGonagall and Slughorn nearly got the two of them into deep trouble. Don’t you remember?”

Sirius looked mutinous, but finally nodded his head. “Fine, but the next time she ever does what she did to you today, I will not hesitate to hex her straight into the next century. I mean, the nerve that she had…”

“Sirius…” Remus warned, looking grave.

His friend rolled his eyes and turned away towards the staircase that would take them to their dormitory. “Oh, alright fine, but I can’t promise I will contain myself if I see her at the Great Hall tonight.”

“You’re forgetting that we have detention with her tonight,” Peter said miserably, setting his bookbag next to his bed and looking up at Remus. He appeared troubled by something and glanced around the dormitory to ensure that they were alone. “She said a lot of disgusting things today in class. I don’t… I mean… that is to say.” He gulped and quickly looked away to Sirius for help. “She… Umbridge, I mean… Well, she said that you were a monster that didn’t belong at Hogwarts.”

Remus’ face became guarded and he turned away from his friends. He didn’t know what to say. He knew it was only going to be a matter of time before they found out the truth that he was a werewolf, but he hoped that the reveal wouldn’t happen until they were all out of Hogwarts.

Sirius spoke up from behind him. “Umbridge was angry that we had gotten her office in that prank. To her anybody that opposes her is a monster and doesn’t belong in Hogwarts, much less in society.”

“Yes, but…” Peter began awkwardly.

“It’s Umbridge’s way to make Remus confess,” Sirius said, his voice suddenly hard. “Peter don’t worry about it. She would say anything to get her own way, the old toad.” He hesitated for a second, then continued. “Dumbledore wouldn’t allow any kind of monster in the castle…”

Remus straightened from his bookbag and shook his head, feeling as though the world was about to crumble around him. “James obviously isn’t here, Sirius. I bet he’s down in the Great Hall waiting for us. Let’s go and get something to eat before our detentions with Umbridge.”

He made his way to the door, slammed it open and disappeared through it. If he had glanced over his shoulder at his friends, he would have noticed the bewildered looks both Peter and Sirius were giving one another as they made to follow him.

 

Supper that night had been a quiet affair for the Marauders. James had been waiting for them in the Entrance Hall but was clearly too angry after what had happened in Umbridge’s classroom to speak to them. He did, however, sit beside Remus and glared at anyone that gave them strange looks. Sirius was too busy eating and plotting about what he would do next to Umbridge in retaliation for what she had done to Remus. Peter was nervously thinking about their detention with Umbridge that night and kept looking down at his hand. He looked up quite a lot at Remus, giving him a small smile, but hardly ate anything.

As for Remus, he was too busy thinking about what would happen to him if he was expelled from Hogwarts because his secret had been revealed to the entire school. He had worked so hard in his classes, had come in top of the class in nearly every one of them, and had gained respect and approval amongst his professors. He also had friends that deeply cared for him and that he would dearly miss once he was told by Dumbledore that he couldn’t return. He considered going up to the Headmaster’s office tomorrow to tell him that he had thought wrong of him. The idea sickened him. The thought of Dumbledore’s disappointment devastated him. He stabbed a piece of roast potato with his fork moodily but didn’t eat it.

“We better get going if we want to make it to Umbridge’s detention on time,” said James ten minutes later when he checked his watch. He no longer sounded angry but seemed worried. He stuck close to Remus the entire way there. Remus was too caught up in his feeling of dread to really notice the change in his friends. It was almost as though they were worried that there was some attack that was going to happen against him, but they made it Umbridge’s office without incident.

Umbridge was waiting for them with a sickly-sweet smile, and her army of black quills within her reach as she sat back in her chair behind her desk and watched them.

Sirius seemed to have gotten his cockiness back as he turned to James and said loudly- “Now, why is it that we are in detention again? Surely, it’s not because we stood up for one of best friends against a bully, is it?”

If possible, Umbridge’s smile got even bigger. “I know that you are the Marauders. You’ve been the one that sabotaged my office yesterday. I saw you outside my door when I returned from class.”

Sirius pretended to be offended. “Are we not allowed to walk by your office? After all, your office is in the school that we attend! It’s on the way to our other classes. We are allowed to walk by or even stop near the door as we bloody well please.”

“Funny that after I discovered the four of you outside my office door that I walked through the door, only to find that some kind of enchantment dirtied my entire office,” said Umbridge sweetly. “Don’t you think that is a little suspicious?”

“If you seem to think that accusing the first group that you seem to think is suspicious for doing something,” said Remus with a dismissive shrug. “Then it’s really no wonder why you were stuck in the same department with little to no authority.”

The smile on Umbridge’s face disappeared, only to be replaced by a hideous scowl that made her even more toad like in appearance. “You have no right to talk to me like that, Mr. Lupin. Now, I have assigned the four of you to different desks. As you have likely noticed, they are not close to one another.” She turned to look at them as if daring them to say something. “When you get to your desk, you will find a piece of parchment waiting for you with what I have assigned your lines to be.”

“And if we refuse to do them?” Remus asked mildly. “I did some research into those quills, Professor. It states in numerous texts that those quills of yours are filled with dark magic and are therefore banned from being used in Hogwarts.”

From somewhere behind him, he heard James and Sirius laugh into their sleeves. Peter appeared as though he wanted the floor to make him disappear and hid his face with his hands. Remus, however, stood his ground. He was sick of being bullied by this professor and wanted to show her that she didn’t frighten him anymore.

“You will do what I say, Mr. Lupin.” Umbridge pulled out a piece of parchment and went to give them further instruction only to find that Remus had reached over to the nearest desk that had a black quill on it and was studying it. “You will put that back or you will have a detention the rest of the school year for trying to sabotage my right to discipline my students the way I see fit.”

“What I want to know, Professor.” Remus went on as though he didn’t hear her, still studying the blood quill in his hands. “Is how you managed to find somebody who would make such evil instruments. Surely, as a representative of the Ministry, you know better than anyone our laws and regulations.”

The smile was back on Umbridge’s face as she leered at Remus. “As the authority of this class, it is up to me to see to the discipline of my students as I see fit. I am sure that you read that in those books, Mr. Lupin?”

Remus pretended to consider, then shook his head. “Actually no. While, a professor can decide what sort of punishment a student should have, it is never something that is against the law. Quite frankly, blood quills are not allowed anywhere near Hogwarts, Professor. As I said earlier, they are created using dark magic…”

“Enough, Mr. Lupin.” Umbridge took the blood quill back from him and set it back on the desk again. “Mr. Black, you are to sit at the desk closest to the front window. Mr. Potter, you are to sit at this desk here. As for Mr. Pettigrew, you are to sit at the desk near the middle window. Mr. Lupin, you are to sit at the desk right in front of mine.”

Remus groaned inwardly. Being close to Umbridge’s desk meant only one thing, she wanted him near her so that she could not only keep an eye on him, but to make sure that he knew how much he didn’t belong at Hogwarts. It was a torture that had far more lasting effects than any blood quill. He went to move so that he could get to his desk, only to find that Sirius had his hand on his arm preventing him, and that James and Peter had closed ranks.

“Why aren’t the rest of us close to your desk?” Sirius asked as he looked around Umbridge’s office. “I mean, if you are so sure that we are the Marauders, wouldn’t it be wise to keep us together, so you can watch us more effectively? Why are you targeting only Remus…?”

“Silence, Mr. Black.” Umbridge turned her back to him and went to stand behind her desk. “We have wasted enough time. I want you to sit down at your assigned desks. Unless you want to stand during your detention and write your lines.” Her eyes flashed dangerously. “I suggest that if you want to be more comfortable, that you take your seats and begin or else I will just vanish the chairs and you’ll stand for the next couple of hours.”

 

It was, in Remus’ honest opinion, the worst detention he ever had. He had taken his seat in front of Umbridge’s desk, peered down at his paper and nearly cried out in shock. Written at the top of the page in Umbridge’s handwriting was one word, _‘Monster’_. He felt tears come to his eyes at the thought that he was going to be permanently branded with the very word that made him feel unworthy of being alive. To have such a word forever etched on his own skin, where everyone could see it and judge him before they even knew him, was unfathomable.

From somewhere behind him, he could hear Peter’s gasps of pain and James cursing. He snuck a glance at Sirius who had taken his assigned seat on the opposite side of the room but noticed that his friend had not picked up the quill and was instead staring intently in his direction, eyes narrowed and watchful.

He felt himself go red and looked down at the parchment in front of him. There was a moment where he debated whether he should refuse to write his lines… to stand up to Umbridge and walk out of his office. He should go to McGonagall with this. McGonagall made it no secret that she despised Umbridge, thought that she was untrustworthy and had ulterior motives for being at Hogwarts. Remus knew that if she ever found out what Umbridge wanted him to do, she would do everything in her power to get it to stop. Yet, what about his friends? They were also suffering the same fate that he was. Sirius, James, and Peter were also slicing their own hands open because of Umbridge. He couldn’t think of leaving his friends to endure this torture on their own. Remus may be many things- werewolf, monster, half human… but he was certainly not a coward.

At least, that is what he told himself.

Remus sighed softly and picked up the blood quill to start his lines. He didn’t look up when he heard Umbridge get up from her seat and move towards him. He bent his head closer to the desk, hoping that Umbridge would have enough sense to leave him alone.

“Mr. Black, unless you want to remain here for another couple of hours, I suggest that you start writing your lines.” Umbridge’s voice cracked like a whip in the silence of the room, and Remus realized that she was right behind him. He felt his shoulders tense and resisted the urge to look over his shoulder to see what Umbridge was doing behind him. “The same goes for you, Mr. Lupin.”

Remus jumped and started writing the single word over and over again on the piece of parchment. He hissed in pain as he felt the letters cut themselves into his hand. At first, his hand just stung, the letters disappearing before he could even complete the word. However, after half an hour, his hand throbbed with pain. He noticed that the word was etched deep in his skin, and he paused long enough to turn his head to fight back a wave of nausea. Umbridge noticed that he had stopped writing and immediately bent over the desk to take a look at his hand. He heard her laugh softly as she realized the damage she had caused. Umbridge glanced up at him with a small smile on her face before she picked up his hand and pressed hard on the wound. Remus gave a strangled cry and tried to pull his hand out from her grasp, but that only caused him more pain as she squeezed his hand harder.

He saw Sirius spin around in the seat of his chair to look over at him. For a moment, his friend appeared shocked as he observed what was happening, but then his face contorted into rage as he realized just what Umbridge was doing. He opened his mouth to yell something out, but a moment later had decided to spring out of his chair to make his way towards Umbridge. Remus heard James’ sharp intake of breath from behind him but didn’t look round to see whether this was because James knew what was happening or because he was still writing his lines. He heard Peter’s chair scrape against the floor, sensed, rather than saw, Peter scrambling to his feet.

Tears sprang to his eyes. Embarrassed, Remus turned his head to hide his face from Sirius who had stopped in his tracks, his grey eyes intent on Umbridge with such hatred and cold fury that he seemed to emit a power that was deeply terrifying.

He felt Umbridge shift slightly beside him and instantly heard a bang and a grunt of pain as Sirius was thrown backwards into the chair he had vacated. A moment later, another bang and the sound of Peter wheezing as the spell hit him straight in the chest. Peter fell heavily back into his seat and seemed to quickly busy himself by continuing his lines.

Enraged, Remus finally turned his head so that he could fully see Umbridge. He saw her lower her wand with a look of triumph on her face and he found that his hatred for her overwhelmed him. Suddenly, he wanted to hurt her… to destroy everything that she represented. He felt the wolf stir deep within him. He felt as though he was about to lose control… but then he looked away, ashamed and disgusted with himself. Dumbledore believed in him. Remus could not disappoint him because it was Dumbledore that allowed him the chance to prove everyone wrong.

Beside him, he heard Umbridge’s girlish laughter. It was a sign of his defeat. He didn’t look at her. She moved as close to him as she could without making contact with him. “See what I mean, Mr. Lupin?” she asked in such a quiet voice that he could barely hear her. “I knew that deep down you know that you’re a monster.”

He snarled at her and yanked his hand out of her grasp. He gritted his teeth in pain as he continued to write the word out.

“Tut tut,” Umbridge whispered condescendingly into his ear. “You need to remember your human manners. It seems that you have been turning more into the wolf and are forgetting yourself.”

Remus ignored her. He couldn’t allow her to get under his skin like that. He wouldn’t be as weak as she was, but as time went on, he discovered that his resolve was beginning to weaken.

“I wonder if I should go to the Ministry about you.” Umbridge had moved to the other side of the desk and had continued her harassment from there. “Perhaps, the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures would be interested in you. You know what they do to werewolves like yourself?”

“I am fairly certain that the Minister for Magic already knows about me,” Remus said mildly, his eyes still on his parchment. “After all, it’s not just Dumbledore’s decision to allow someone like me into Hogwarts. The Ministry must be told. Unlike you, Dumbledore doesn’t break the law.”

Umbridge said nothing, but he still felt that she was beside him. Without looking up from the piece of parchment in front of him, he said- “And to answer your question about what is done to a werewolf that is caught by the Ministry of Magic, I am fairly certain the only good way to dispose of one is to use the killing curse. Not only because it is far more humane than leaving an innocent human being to die an agonizing death by being stabbed in the heart with a silver dagger, but also because torturing someone to that extent is against the law.”

Remus was relieved when he found that Umbridge had left his side and was now back at her desk.

“Twenty points from Gryffindor for your cheek, Mr. Lupin.”

“That’s fine, Professor. I am rather certain I can get back those points for Gryffindor tomorrow during my classes.”

An agonizing two hours later, Umbridge checked their hands and smiled. “It seems that Mr. Black and Mr. Potter still need to return for their detentions. As for Mr. Lupin and Mr. Pettigrew, the message seems to have gotten through to you what you did wrong. Just the same, I would like for the two of you to come to your detentions tomorrow.” She paused, her gaze intent on Remus. “I sincerely hope that you remember your proper place next time you enter my classroom.”

Remus wrapped his hand in the folds of his school robes and winced slightly. It wasn’t going to prevent any pain, but it was enough to stop the bleeding, and of course to prevent his friends from seeing what Umbridge had forced him to write.

“Pray tell me, Professor,” Remus said mildly, giving her a look of pure disgust. “What exactly is my proper place here?”

Without waiting for an answer, Remus turned on his heel and marched out of Umbridge’s office.

 

Remus half ran down the poorly lit corridor, rounded the corner and raced as fast as he could to the bottom of the staircase before he retched. He felt the world spin around him, and he sank to his knees near the bottom step clutching his stomach and shaking uncontrollably. He didn’t dare unwrap his hand to take a look at his wounds as he knew that Sirius, Peter, and James would find him soon, but he was suddenly aware of the fact that his hand was throbbing painfully.

He knew that Umbridge hated him. It was true that she had targeted him the first day she had seen him in her class, but he hadn’t expected a professor to go out of their way to show him that he was a disgusting creature that had no right attending class. Remus was no stranger to prejudice and hatred. It wasn’t uncommon for Remus to find that his parents had packed up their belongings to move away because somebody was becoming suspicious of his strange illnesses. He had heard children ask their parents what was wrong with him, why his parents refused to allow them to enter their house and did not allow Remus to play with them. His father tried his best to hide him away from the world, but that didn’t stop him from realizing that everyone hated him because he suffered through something that was beyond his control.

Umbridge made it no secret that she hated him because he was different than she was, but he couldn’t understand why she enjoyed torturing him so much. As one of his professors, she had to be told about his condition because he had to spend days after his transformations in the hospital wing and he could miss as many as three days of school at a time.

He heard footsteps round the corner and approach him, but didn’t look up to see who it was. He retched again, still clutching at his stomach and shaking.

“Remus?” James called softly, and Remus was sure he heard uncertainty in his friend’s voice. “Remus are you alright?”

Remus couldn’t respond to the question. His mind struggled to make sense of what had happened to him. He didn’t know how to respond. How could he answer this question truthfully when his own best friends didn’t know the truth about him?

He felt somebody sit down heavily beside him on the step. A moment later, a hand was on his shoulder. The owner of the hand didn’t force him to turn around, but instead allowed Remus to have time to gather himself.

“She’s forced you to write monster for your lines, didn’t she?” said Sirius after a moment’s pause. He tried his best to keep his voice gentle, but Remus could tell that he was fighting to control his emotions. “That’s why you were so upset when you sat down at the desk at the start of detention.”

From somewhere in front of him, Remus heard James sharp intake of air and next second, James had taken a seat on Remus’ other side. Peter quickly cleaned up the mess that Remus had made and conjured a bucket out of thin air and placed it gently within reach before kneeling in front of him and holding back his hair in case he got sick again.

“I think we should go to McGonagall about this,” said Peter angrily. “Umbridge has no right to make Remus write such a horrible thing.”

James gently removed the bit of robe that Remus had wrapped his injured hand in and inspected it. He made a strange noise at the back of his throat, shook his head sadly, and got Sirius to light his wand so that he could take a closer look.

Suddenly, Remus lurched forward and made a noise that was between a whimper and a snarl as James accidently touched the area that the word had been etched into his skin. Sirius and Peter both managed to grab hold of him and Peter quickly moved the bucket so that Remus retched safely into it instead of over himself or the floor.

“I am so sorry, Remus.” James sounded horrified that he had caused more hurt to his friend and had released Remus in his panic. He waited until Remus lifted his head from the bucket before he gently took his injured hand again to look. This time he didn’t poke or prod around the area to see how bad his injury was, not when it was very plain to everyone present what Umbridge had done. He sighed heavily before he removed his wand from the inside pocket of his robes and held it over Remus’ hand. “We’ve got to clean these wounds and make sure they are covered properly or it will get infected.”

“Listen, we need to get him to Madame Pomfrey.” Sirius held Remus close to him, watching James closely as he muttered an incantation and bandages wrapped themselves around Remus’ hand. “She may be able to get rid of this…” Sirius struggled to control his emotions as he felt Remus shudder. “There has to be a way to get that off his hand.”

“It’s permanent,” Remus suddenly choked out. “Once something is etched onto someone’s skin by the black quill, there’s no magic in this world strong enough to remove it.”

Sirius and James exchanged furtive glances between one another. James patted Remus on the shoulder comfortingly while Peter made the sick at the bottom of the bucket disappear.

Remus felt Sirius stiffen beside him. “Permanent? We can’t have him with this branded into his skin, James. Imagine what our classmates would say if they saw this?”

“We will take him to McGonagall.” James’ hold on Remus tightened protectively. “Perhaps she will know what to do. Maybe she will know more about these quills and there is some kind of charm that will make it disappear.” He looked down at his watch. “She will still be up in her office…”

Remus shook his head. “No, I will be fine. We don’t need to get McGonagall involved…”

“You’ve got the word monster branded onto your hand,” Sirius said through gritted teeth, looking down at Remus’ bandaged hand. “There’s no way that you are fine. It’s not okay, Remus! What Umbridge has done…”

“… She’s done to you,” Remus interrupted him and looked pointedly towards Sirius’ left hand that was resting on his arm. “Look, it’s just a word, right? It doesn’t mean anything…”

“It means something to you, though.” Sirius appeared as though he was ashamed that he had uttered those words, but he jutted his jaw out stubbornly and pressed on. “I saw what she was doing to you the entire time we had detention. She was whispering things to you, making you upset. She barely left you alone the entire time you were in there.”

Remus stiffened at these words. What if the others had heard what Umbridge had been saying to him? His heart pounded painfully against his ribcage. He suddenly felt ashamed of himself. Umbridge had only gotten him to write a single word down during his detention… his friends had been forced to write an entire sentence, and they weren’t losing their heads about it. He shook free of his friends’ grasps and stood shakily to his feet and moved towards the staircase. He was aware that they were all staring at him, but he knew that it was more because they were concerned about him than anything else.

He turned to Sirius who was still seated upon the bottom stair. “What did she get you to write?”

Sirius snorted and showed them all his hand. “As much as I would have loved to get her to force me about how I should never talk about eggs as part of a conspiracy to distract her,” he said with a hearty laugh. “She got me to write _‘I will never sabotage the professor’_. I don’t think she much liked the fact that I demanded to know what evidence she had against you.”

James stood to his feet with a mischievous smile tugging at his lips. “Really? She got me to write _‘I will not attack the teacher’_. Clearly she thought that I presented a threat for yelling at her.”

Sirius also got to his feet, a playful frown on his face. “Well, you were absolutely terrifying today in class, James. However, I think that the toad clearly thinks that our Remus here is the threat. After all, why would she force him to etch such a horrible thing into the back of his hand for? However, we didn’t hear what Pete had to write yet. Perhaps, she hates him more than all of us and we are only stealing that privilege for ourselves!”

Peter took the bait and scrambled to his feet eagerly to show them what he had to write for his detention. “Mine is _‘I will not take part in a plot to attack a teacher’_.” He snorted derisively as he glanced down at his hand but then his face perked up and he looked up at James and Sirius. “There’s no way that we will let her get away with this, is there? It’s one thing to target us and get us to write lines, but what she did to Remus was far worse than anything she had us write.”

Sirius nodded his head with barely disguised excitement. “Exactly what I was thinking, Peter. Umbridge has declared war on the Marauders, and we are going to gladly accept her declaration with direct action. However, I think we should get to our dormitories before a professor finds us out of bed after curfew.”

James waved his wand over the bucket and it disappeared. They rushed up the stairs to get back to their common room without saying a word to one another. Remus was deep in thought wondering whether he should go to McGonagall or to Dumbledore about tonight, but he didn’t want to worry or upset them. He didn’t want McGonagall to think he was losing his nerve because of one night’s detention with the likes of Dolores Umbridge. Besides, the jobs of both McGonagall and Dumbledore were on the line as it was without his help, and he didn’t want any of them to get into more trouble. He owed both his professors so much for what they did for him, and he didn’t like feeling as though he were letting either of them down. He could get through this without their help, but he wasn’t sure if he could survive the wrath of the entire school if Umbridge ever revealed that he was a werewolf.

“What I want to know is why Umbridge had you write monster, Remus,” James said later when they had clambered through the portrait hole into the common room. He stopped at the foot of the staircase heading up to their dormitory and gave Remus an inquisitive look. “There’s nothing at all monster like about you. It’s almost as if she’s trying to make a statement of some kind… like she knows something and is trying to get us to piece together the evidence she’s throwing at us.”

Remus felt the colour drain from his face and a sudden cold wash over him. It took a few moments to calm his breathing, and he closed his eyes tight and counted to ten. He struggled to find words to say, but for once all of his excuses left him and he found that he could say absolutely nothing. Instead, he pushed his way through his friends and ran up the stairs to the safety of the dormitory, threw himself down onto his bed and pulled his hangings around the bed. He didn’t say a word to Peter, Sirius, or James as they entered the dormitory quietly and shut the door behind them. Remus waited with bated breath as he heard his friends quickly get ready for bed and talk amongst themselves for a bit. They didn’t bother him at all, but as the last of the candles were extinguished and his friends went to bed, Remus felt as though the world around him was about to crumble and be destroyed.

 


	2. Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me a very long time to write. Mostly because I've had a lot going on in my life that has made it impossible to focus on my writings. However, I am working on new stories that are for the HP fandom and am especially working on the next part for this story.
> 
> For right now, the next chapter that will be published after this will be the final chapter. I may write a companion follow up using the story line, but after the third and final chapter, I am going to focus on other projects.

Remus slept fitfully that night. The fear that his Lycanthropy was about to be exposed to the entire school prevented him from going to sleep. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw his friends give him horrified looks, backing away fearfully from him as though he were about to attack them. He imagined the words that Sirius would scream at him upon learning his darkest secret, and how Umbridge had been right to have him permanently branded with the word _‘Monster’_ on the back of his hand… how he deserved worse than any of the punishments that Umbridge had forced him to endure. Each time he closed his eyes, he imagined different reactions from each of his friends. Peter would be terrified and wouldn’t look or speak to him. James would be silent, but his eyes would betray his anger and hatred for him. He woke with a violent start each time he managed to drift off to sleep until he finally admitted defeat and gazed up at the ceiling feeling utterly miserable and ashamed of himself. Ever since he started attending Hogwarts, he felt more at home than anywhere his father had chosen to hide him. Hogwarts provided a sense of comfort and belonging. Dumbledore and the professors didn’t cringe away from him as though he was some terrifying monster that would infect them with his condition just by looking at them. For the first time in his life, Remus had friends that loved and adored him no matter how awkward he became.

Without Hogwarts, Remus had nothing. This castle meant so much more to him than a school that he returned to each year, it was where he belonged. If he was forced out of school because of what he was, he would get all the people he cared about most into deep trouble. Remus suspected that Dumbledore didn’t bring up the fact that he was a werewolf to anyone in the Ministry of Magic, and instead decided to disprove the popular belief that people like him were more than what they were thought to be. Obviously, the Headmaster saw more in him than just some dark creature and wanted to give him the opportunity to receive the same right to education as his peers. He thought about McGonagall and how protective she was of him, and how proud she seemed to be of his progress in his studies. Yet, it wasn’t just Dumbledore and McGonagall that risked their careers and livelihoods for him- it was also all the teachers that allowed him to attend their classes.

He pushed himself up in the bed so that his back rested against the headboard and shook his head wearily. There was no way he could fall asleep now. He felt so guilty about what he was doing to his professors, and the fear that he was going to be caught for what he was, terrorized him enough that sleep was no longer an option. He sighed dejectedly and quietly got out of bed to collect his school bag and a few of his textbooks. If he couldn’t sleep tonight, at least he could put that time to good use by completing some of his homework assignments.

Remus paused at the door to the dormitory and glanced around the darkened room listening hard. There was a moment when he thought that he had awakened his friends despite how careful he was at being quiet and took in a breath of relief when he heard Peter’s snores from behind his curtains. He winced as the door creaked open at his touch, shutting it as carefully as he could so that it didn’t wake the others, and relaxed when he heard the door latch shut behind him. As quietly as he could, he moved down the staircase and into the empty common room where he made his way towards his favourite chair that was nearest to the fireplace. He placed his books heavily onto the table, lit one of the lanterns that rested nearby with a wave of his wand before busying himself with removing quills, ink bottles, and parchment from his bag and organized them in such a way that he had a workstation set up. Sirius and James loved to poke fun at this habit of his, but it was a method that Remus found almost calming.

He tapped the top of the table thoughtfully with his fingers for a few seconds before digging through his books to find his potions textbook. Slughorn wanted an essay discussing healing potions and the different types used. Inwardly, Remus groaned at what the Potions Master expected in this assignment. It had to be very well researched and very thorough as next lesson they were going to create a healing potion designed to help patients heal from burns. Perhaps, Slughorn knew of a potion that would help heal the cut on the back of his hand from Umbridge’s blood quill, but he didn’t know if a potion was powerful enough to counteract such dark magic. His hand throbbed painfully, but as Remus threw himself deeper into writing his essay and focusing on the material from his textbook, he found that the pain dulled down enough so that he could ignore it.

An hour and thirty minutes later, Remus admired his work. He would obviously have to go through what he had written and fine tune it with edits later, but he thought he did an admirable job in writing down what each healing potion was and what it was used for. He even made it a point to jot down the differences and similarities in their ingredients. Later, he would go to the library to ask Madam Maher if there was a book that specialised further in the topic so that he could see if he could glean any more knowledge to put into his essay. He set the parchment aside so that the ink could dry and reached for his Transfiguration textbook next. He had meant to start on McGonagall’s essay the day it had been assigned but had put it off because he still needed to conduct more research into the topic she wanted to be discussed.

He rubbed at his eyes tiredly. He had all weekend to complete this essay, but the fact that he hadn’t even started it made him feel ashamed of himself. Perhaps now that he was completely exhausted and wasn’t as worried about Umbridge as before, Remus could finally go to bed, but he shook himself and reached for his quill.

“Surely, that essay can wait until later, Remus.” Sirius sounded tired as he grabbed for the back of a chair that was right across from Remus and sat heavily into it. “It’s nearly one thirty in the morning.” He stopped talking for a moment, a look of bemusement on his face as he eyed him. “Do you mind putting that wand down? I would prefer not to have my face permanently disfigured by a hex.”

Remus lowered his wand quickly but didn’t release his hold from it. He had started violently when he heard Sirius’ voice from behind him, and in his tired state it took a while to register who it was that had interrupted him. His face burned with embarrassment as he muttered apologies that were waved away by Sirius.

“No, don’t worry about it,” said Sirius quietly, his grey eyes fixed on Remus’ face with such intensity that he found himself looking away. “I should have made sure that you knew that I was coming down the stairs. What are you doing up this late?”

Remus gestured at the table between them and shrugged in what he hoped was a nonchalant way. He pretended that he didn’t notice the way that Sirius’ eyes had narrowed, the way his hands clenched into fists on the table, or the way that his mouth had drawn into a tight line. Instead, he picked up his quill and pulled a piece of parchment close to him and leaned over the table to peer over at the Transfiguration textbook.

He felt Sirius’ eyes burn into him and finally he looked up with a resigned expression on his face. “I am doing my assignments, Sirius.” His eyes burned tiredly, and he absentmindedly rubbed at them in an attempt to relieve them of the sensation. “I left McGonagall’s essay too late…”

“Too late?” Sirius asked incredulously. “In all that’s Merlin, Remus, you have all weekend to complete these assignments. McGonagall’s essay isn’t even due until Tuesday! At least allow yourself to sleep before then.”

Remus didn’t say anything to this. He couldn’t look at Sirius anymore. Instead, he stared down at his hands and remained quiet. He felt Sirius’ eyes on him but didn’t look up until he heard his friend sigh in frustration.

“There’s something bothering you,” said Sirius as he looked around the empty common room to ensure that they were alone. When he turned to face Remus again, he looked solemn and had leaned a little over the table so that he was closer to him. “You seem to forget that James and I have eyes and can see that you’re worried about something. As a matter of fact, lately you’ve become so distant and withdrawn that it’s become obvious that there _is_ something wrong. Even Peter’s noticed that you’re…”

“There’s nothing wrong, Sirius.” Remus made to pick up his Transfiguration textbook, but Sirius made an impatient noise at the back of his throat and had pulled the book closer to him, so it was out of reach. “No, I am being serious, Sirius! There’s nothing wrong. Don’t raise your eyebrows like that! Now, can you give me back my textbook?”

Sirius shook his head at him, pushed his chair back so that he was now out of reach, and held the textbook tight to his chest. Remus inwardly groaned and brought a hand up to cover his eyes. As much as he adored Sirius’ intellect and his knack for using his genius for getting into trouble, he didn’t much like the idea that his friend was insightful and was as tenacious as he was persistent. Usually, Remus saw these traits come out whenever his friend was doing schoolwork or was thinking of a prank. There were times when he noticed that Sirius would show these traits whenever he thought his friends were upset or in Remus’ case, whenever Sirius felt that he was hiding something from him. Most of the time it ended with Remus having no choice but to tell him something of the truth, and though it was usually enough to tell him that his mother was sick or that he was worried about his classes, there was a part of him that suspected that Sirius knew there was more to the story than what he was telling him.

“What’s bothering you?” Sirius asked, edging closer to the table so that he could set the textbook upon it, but making sure that it was still out of reach. Remus could detect the concern in his friend’s voice and felt guilt was over him at the thought that he couldn’t be completely honest with his friend. “Out with it, Remus! There’s something up and the only way you’ll feel better is if you tell somebody about it. Is it your hand? Is it what Umbridge did to you? Are you worried that Percival doesn’t like you because you played that trick on her last week? We both know that she carries grudges.”

Remus snorted at the last part of what Sirius said. “Wasn’t it you that turned her hair green at the start of the school year?”

“Wasn’t it you that enchanted the book she was reading to scream every time she opened it?”

“What? No! That was you and James! She just thought it was me because I associate with you,” said Remus indignantly. “Besides, the amount of damage that book caused to her arm when it bit down wasn’t exactly funny, Sirius! You’re lucky that she only jinxed you so that your ear hairs grew longer and wouldn’t stop growing.”

Sirius groaned. “Don’t remind me of that! Merlin knows how long it took for Madam Pomfrey to stop yelling long enough to find the counter-jinx.” He paused and gave Remus a knowing smile before continuing on- “I don’t think Percival is making you upset. It seems after the singing jinx she sent your way after that disastrous biting book incident, that she’s become quite civil with you. No, I say it’s Umbridge that’s gotten you upset.”

Remus felt himself tense but forced himself to relax. “Why do you think that Umbridge is what is bothering me?”

Sirius gave him a small and patient smile. “It’s really no mystery as to why you’re upset. Though, you are trying really hard to not admit to it. She’s targeted you since the first day of class, and she’s forcing you to write something that is causing you great distress.” He interrupted Remus’ protestations with a small wave of his hand. “You are trying so hard to hide all of this that it’s making everything all the more obvious. Now, what I want to know is why she’s getting you to write down ‘Monster’ for your detentions? What was she whispering to you when we were in her office tonight?”

Remus suddenly felt more tired than he’d ever felt in his entire lifetime. He felt the exhaustion creep into his bones as though he had just undergone one of his monthly transformations and felt as though he had aged a hundred years. There was so much that he longed to tell Sirius, but fear of being resented and abandoned by his friends made him retreat further into himself. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with a shaking hand as he slowly counted to ten and thought quickly about what to say that would convince Sirius that he was fine.

Finally, he managed to control his emotions and opened his eyes to find that Sirius had moved from the other side of the table so that he was closer to him instead. He found it difficult to know what his friend was thinking as his eyes were unfathomable, and his face was carefully blank and void of emotion.

“You’re right, Sirius. There is something bothering me.” Remus took a deep breath and stared at a point over his friend’s shoulder instead of looking directly at Sirius. “It’s just… being here at Hogwarts means the world to me, and having friends like you, James, and Peter means much more than anything you can possibly know. I am just afraid that everything’s going to be taken away from me. Umbridge is failing me in Defence Against the Dark Arts, and the stress of it all is really taking a toll on me.”

Sirius didn’t say anything for a few moments, but then he leaned forward and put a hand on Remus’ arm. “There’s more bothering you, isn’t there? It’s not just Umbridge failing you in your assignments or targeting you specifically in the classroom. There’s something more. I can feel it. What else is going on Remus? Why’s she forcing you to write monster in your own blood?”

Remus felt as though he couldn’t breathe but forced himself to remain calm. Sometimes, he forgot that Sirius was incredibly intelligent and observant.

“I know there’s more to this than just a teacher hating a student.” Sirius took a deep breath, released Remus’ arm, and shook his head as though to clear it. “Does it have anything to do with the fact that you leave every month? I know that… I know that your mum is sick, or at least that is what you keep telling us, but when Evans was attacked by those Slytherins a few months ago, Percival said that you were in the Hospital Wing. James thought that you were also attacked when you returned to the school and Pete was beside himself with worry, but I think that whatever is going on with your monthly disappearances is because _you_ are the one that is sick.”

Remus made an indistinct noise in the back of his throat and pushed himself away from the table. His heart felt as though it was about to jump out of his chest. He felt tears come to his eyes and turned his head away ashamed of himself.

“It’s nothing like that,” He managed to croak out. “My mother is sick with a disease that is causing her to waste away. I go visit her whenever my dad feels that she’s at the end…”

“Every once a month, Remus?” Sirius asked softly. Remus sensed Sirius lean toward him and felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I know that your mum is unwell. I know because I saw her when she was seeing you off at the start of last term, and because I feel how worried you are about her.” Sirius hesitated for a moment as though debating with himself what to say next. “However, I know when you are lying to me or when you are trying to go around the truth. Don’t you think you’ll feel better when you tell somebody what is going on?”

Remus didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. He didn’t know what to say to anything that his friend had said to him. Beside him, Sirius sighed and released his shoulder.

“How am I to help you when you make it so hard for me to know what’s wrong?” Sirius asked sadly, getting to his feet and started putting Remus’ belongings back in his schoolbag. “Right now, you need some sleep. It’s late and you shouldn’t be punishing yourself any further than you’ve already been punished. Come up to the dormitory and go to bed.”

* * *

The next afternoon found Remus sitting by himself near the fireplace in the common room with a heavy wool blanket that covered his legs. The blanket had been a gift the Christmas before from his mother who had worked hard on it since she had found out that he had been sorted into Gryffindor. He smiled at the memory of unwrapping his present and had marvelled at the hard work that his mother had put into making his gift. It had been done in the Gryffindor house colours, and he had always appreciated his mother’s gift. It made chilly nights in the dormitory more bearable and helped soothe him when he was suffering from bouts of homesickness.

He looked out the window to see that the snowstorm that had blown its way into the school grounds early that morning had not left, and that the pile of snow that had been on the ledge of the window had grown considerably so that it covered half the window. He shivered slightly, pulling the blanket higher over his legs. The sound of the wind seemed to increase as it battered at the tower, and suddenly he wished that his friends were there with him. It wasn’t as though he was alone in the common room. In a table that stood in a corner away from the fireplace were a group of fifth year students that were frantically reading through their textbooks and writing what appeared to be essays for one of their subjects. Lily Evans and her friends were sitting at another table close to him with a copy of the Daily Prophet between them, appearing grim as they spoke about a recent Death Eater attack on a muggle family in worried whispers.

“… The article doesn’t seem to have much information. The last name sounds familiar. You don’t think they were related to Mary Ann Aguillard of Ravenclaw?” Evelina Percival asked. She was hunched forward with her finger pressed to the news story. “They wiped out the entire family. Three generations…”

“You don’t think that the Daily Prophet’s been told to hush everything up, do you?” Lily’s voice sounded pained as she read through the article again. “Why would the Ministry want to keep this quiet?”

“The Death Eaters seem to be growing in strength,” Percival said fearfully. “My father’s hardly been home. Did you read the pamphlet he sent me last week?”

“The Ministry’s worried…”

“The Aurors have been ordered not to say anything to the Prophet…”

Remus broke away from their conversation and looked towards the fire, his thoughts troubled. He had heard that morning that there had been an attack on a family in a village that was not far from where his mother had spent her childhood. He wondered if he should write his mother a letter asking her if she had known the family that had been murdered but thought better of it. His mother was very sick, and he didn’t want her to suffer through the stress of knowing that something’s been happening in the wizarding community. Remus knew that his father kept his mother up to date on any news in the magical community but didn’t think that he would have told her about something like this.

He closed his eyes at the thought of his mother. The last time he had seen her, she had been sitting in her armchair by the bay window that looked out over their back garden. She had been looking wistfully out at the roses that she loved so much. In the last few weeks of Remus’ summer holiday, his mother had found it difficult to walk, and she had been confined to her favourite chair. However, despite her obvious pain and discomfort, whenever she saw Remus, she would give him her familiar wide smile and her eyes would twinkle just like they used to before she became sick. Now, it was often that he saw his mother’s face contorted with pain, her body twisted as though she were suffering through the Cruciatus Curse. He couldn’t imagine the pain she was going through, and he couldn’t begin to imagine how he would feel if the Death Eaters had broken into his family’s cottage to target his mother for being a muggle.

Remus was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t notice that his friends had entered the common room until James called out his name. He started, the book that he had been reading earlier fell to the floor with a soft thud, and he found himself blinking bemusedly up at James and Sirius who now stood in front of him. Peter bent over to pick up the book that had fallen to the floor and handed it back to him with an apologetic look in his eyes. However, Remus’ attention was on Sirius and James who both appeared annoyed, and his stomach fell at what was going to be said to him.

Sirius stared down at him stone faced, his grey eyes cold and unrelenting as they bore straight into his. Remus marvelled for a moment with just how much his friend resembled his father in that moment. It was a realization that was both impressive and terrifying all at once.

“You are trying to avoid us,” said Sirius, his voice hard. “We have been searching for you all day.”

James made a strange movement that made Remus suspect that he had wanted to place a hand on Sirius’ shoulder but thought better of it. Instead, he sighed and looked out towards the window and didn’t say anything. Peter was looking between Remus and Sirius nervously, his eyes bright.

“Surely, it’s nothing, Sirius!” Peter said hurriedly, stepping closer to Remus so that he was beside him. “Remus has been under a lot of stress lately. The whole Umbridge incident and his mother being unwell could be taking a toll on him.”

Sirius glared at Peter for a few seconds before turning his attention back to Remus. “Do you really think that avoiding your friends is going to solve all of your problems?”

“Sirius, that’s uncalled for.” James turned his attention away from the window, eyes blazing with anger. “Instead of being angry with Remus, perhaps we should focus on what to do about Umbridge? Or have you forgotten about what happened last night?”

The silence that followed was deafening. Remus made to get up and put himself in between James and Sirius, worried that the two would draw out their wands, but he couldn’t get out of the chair. Sirius appeared as though he was in shock, opening his mouth once before closing it in a tight white line. It seemed that all conversation in the common room stopped, and Remus felt as though they were now all the centre of attention.

Remus thought quickly as he looked over to where Lily sat with her back to them, her attention still on the Daily Prophet. He didn’t like his friends fighting, especially over his selfishness. He couldn’t stand the idea of breaking up such a strong friendship anymore than he could stand losing his friends forever.

“I didn’t mean to avoid all of you,” he said hurriedly, feeling his face go red as both James and Sirius turned to face him, but he pushed himself to continue. “I have been doing research on the blood quills all morning. I… I feel that the only way that we can get Umbridge is by beating her at her own game.” He pressed on when he saw the way that James and Sirius looked at one another, and the way that Peter’s breath seemed to hitch as though expecting Umbridge to catch them at any moment. “If we were to expose her for using dark magic in her punishments, then maybe we can get her out of the school and into a cell in Azkaban.”

Sirius gave Remus an appraising look before mulling over his words thoughtfully. “But you said that you think that Umbridge is here on behalf of the Ministry. You said that the Ministry is interfering with Hogwarts. Wouldn’t it be near impossible to get her into trouble if she’s here on behalf of the Minister of Magic?”

“What about McGonagall?” James asked suddenly. “I bet that if McGonagall knew what has been going on…”

Remus shook his head. “I don’t want to get her involved. She’s already done more than enough and she’s in a lot of trouble already.”

“But, she’s the Deputy Headmistress!” James said in frustration. He began pacing in front of Remus, his brow knitted in thought. “That has to mean something right? Dumbledore has his hands full with the Ministry as it is without Umbridge’s help. This latest Death Eater attack…” James hesitated for a moment as he struggled with controlling his anger. “Blimey, an entire family this time! Poor Mary Ann Aguillard found out by opening the Daily Prophet this morning during breakfast. She couldn’t stop screaming and crying until McGonagall and Flitwick managed to get her to Madam Pomfrey.”

Sirius fell heavily into the chair next to Remus and rubbed at the side of his head absentmindedly. “McGonagall has her hands full, too. I don’t think she’s going to be much help here. It seems that Remus’ idea is best in getting rid of the old Toad.” He stopped looking miserable for a moment before looking over at where James stood near the fireplace. “Did you see the expression on Umbridge’s face when she heard Aguillard’s screams? She looked so happy finding out about this Death Eater attack!”

“Are you saying that Umbridge is a Death Eater?” Peter asked with a panicked look on his face. His tiny eyes darted nervously between Sirius, Remus and James. The idea that one of their professors was a potential Death Eater seemed to terrify Peter so much that it took them thirty minutes to convince him that Dumbledore wouldn’t have hired somebody who had joined Voldemort’s cause.

“She’s evil enough to be a Death Eater,” said Peter with a shudder. “The way she goes on about muggle-borns and targets those that she thinks are unworthy of being here. I would be very surprised if she wasn’t sympathetic to the Voldemort. Only a Death Eater would force somebody to write out something in their own blood and have it branded into their hand forever!”

* * *

“… I don’t think this is such a great idea.”

Actually, Remus thought that this was one of the worst ideas that Sirius and James ever thought of, but as he had agreed to breaking into Umbridge’s office while everyone was at supper, he knew he didn’t have room to talk about what was and what wasn’t a good plan.

“Sh, Remus!” Sirius hissed into his ear as James took out his wand and worked on unlocking the door in front of them. “This is the only way we can collect evidence of Umbridge’s wrongdoing. We can build a case against her that is strong enough to get her out of Hogwarts.”

The silence of the hallway fell heavily upon them, and Remus felt as though it was an oppressive weight that left him feeling nervous. He looked up and down the hallway looking for signs of life, but it was empty of anyone else. He briefly wondered if Umbridge would have stronger protection charms that would alert her to any strange activity in her rooms before James let out a soft cry of victory and pushed open the door.

“Remember that Umbridge is usually down in the Great Hall with the other for at least forty minutes,” James whispered to them as they crept into the darkness of the room. “That should give us enough time to find what we are looking for. Hang on before you close that door, Remus… _Lumos_.” The tip of his wand lit up and Remus shut the door behind them.

“ _Lumos_ ,” Remus muttered under his breath and heard Sirius do the same behind him. He took a step back away from the door before he turned to his friends. “We remember the plan, right?”

Sirius nodded glumly, peering around the room with his wand held high above him. “Are we sure that Peter knows what to do? The charm that we taught him this afternoon that will alert us that Umbridge is on her way is very advanced magic. We should have let Remus be the person to watch Umbridge…”

“I think Peter will manage. He was able to cast the charm successfully before we left,” said Remus, throwing Sirius a disapproving look as they moved further into the office. “You don’t give Peter enough credit. The only thing he lacks is confidence. He is rather intelligent.”

“I am not saying he’s stupid. I don’t want to get caught red handed by Umbridge, is all. I don’t fancy spending another evening carving lines into my hand again.”

“We won’t let that happen. Even if the charm doesn’t work, Peter won’t let us down. We have James’ cloak that we can all hide under if it comes to escaping this room.” Remus stopped at Umbridge’s desk and sat down in the chair beside it. He studied the ornate drawers with narrowed eyes. Whoever had designed the desk had been inspired by Celtic runes and had carefully etched them into the wood. “Let’s just get this over with before we are out of time.”

He opened the middle drawer, removed a folder thick with papers and placed it on the desk and peered inside. There was nothing else inside the drawer except for spare parchment and a few quills. Sirius moved away from the desk to examine a shelf filled with books and file folders that were clearly from the Ministry. James remained with Remus, helping him with a second drawer that refused to open.

“You don’t think that this one has been enchanted, do you?” James panted as he tugged uselessly at the drawer’s handle. “Do you reckon we should try an unlocking spell?”

Remus thought quickly. “No, I think we should open that one up later. Who knows what is in that drawer or what spell Umbridge has used to prevent it from being opened by the wrong person. It could be a curse that could leave lasting damage to whoever tries to open it.”

The third drawer proved to contain exactly what they had come in for. In it was a simple black box that had a collection of Blood Quills within it. Remus smiled as he held up the quill and studied it before handing it off to James to wrap up in a handkerchief and shove it into his bag disgustedly.

“Okay, let’s go get Sirius and get out of here.” James stood up quickly and looked over towards where Sirius was and stepped towards him. “Hey, Sirius. We can leave now…”

Sirius slowly turned towards them, a folder held tightly in his hands and his face as white as a sheet. He held up a piece of parchment that had the Ministry of Magic insignia on it. He didn’t speak a word to them. As a matter of fact, Remus thought that he could sense that Sirius was too terrified to speak.

“Knock it off, Sirius.” James was annoyed now. “We need to leave before we are discovered.”

Without saying a word to them, Sirius opened the folder to reveal a student file that had been stamped with ‘Matter for the MoM’. Remus felt the blood drain from his face when he realized that the file was all about him.

“Why would Umbridge have a file on you, Remus?” Sirius asked, his eyes locking on his with such intensity that Remus took a step back. “I can’t read much into the file to find out myself, the pages have been wiped magically to prevent that.”

James glanced between the two of them, his face carefully blank and void of expression. “I am sure there’s a logical explanation for this. Remus is her student. She probably has files on all of us hidden throughout this room.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” Sirius said icily, his gaze still on Remus. “Only thing is that there are no other files about any of us here. It’s just Remus.” He held up the file and showed it to them. “It’s way too thick to be talking about the performance of a student and their grades. It wouldn’t have anything to do with the letter that I found in here requesting a formal investigation into why a werewolf was allowed to enter this school would it?”

For a moment there was an awful silence. Remus struggled to find something to say, something that would get him out of this dangerous situation, but for once he was at a loss for words. Before anyone could say anything, the sound of Peter yelling from down the hallway was heard.

“Umbridge!” James hissed frantically, tugging out his Invisibility Cloak from his bag and turning out the light from his wand. He pulled Remus closer towards him, glanced over at Sirius who stood frozen in place with eyes wide and terrified and looked pleadingly at him. “Sirius, we can work this all out later. I am sure there’s a logical explanation for that file, but we need to move now, or we will be caught!”

Sirius nodded his head to show that he understood before he dashed quickly to the bookcase and returned the thick folder to its shelf. He hurried to where they stood, whispered _“Nox”_ to turn off the light from his wand and allowed Remus to pull him along to a corner closest to the door.

“Can you put that light out?” James said to Remus. “We may be invisible, but the Cloak doesn’t hide light!”

Remus thought hard, his mind forming a strategy to get his friends out of danger. The only way to get out of the room without being discovered would be to wait until the door was opened by Umbridge. In order for their escape to be successful, they needed to get as close to the door as possible, and without making any noise. He voiced his plan to his friends, waiting for their nods to know that they understood before he muttered _“Nox”_ and they were suddenly thrown into darkness.

He felt around in the dark and found someone’s wrist and touched it and heard James’ sharp intake of air. “We need to follow the wall towards the door. It isn’t far from here. We need to get as close to it so that when it is opened, we can escape.”

By the time they heard Umbridge just outside of the door, the three of them were in position. Remus hoped that they were all still covered by the Cloak but didn’t dare light his wand to check. Beside him, Sirius held onto him tightly, his fingers digging into his skin so that it hurt. As if reading his mind, James quickly felt around them and quietly affirmed that the Cloak covered them.

“… I know that you and your friends are up to something!” They heard Umbridge say on the other side of the door.

“But Professor, I’ve already told you that I am worried about what grade I may have received on my last assignment.”

“And you thought that by yelling out your concerns about your grades in the Great Hall where everyone could hear you was the way to get my attention?”

“Yes, Professor. You see, you make yourself so unapproachable, I thought it was a good idea to get your attention where everyone was a witness.”

“You couldn’t wait until Monday?”

Remus swore that he could feel Peter thinking hard now. “No, Professor. I am worried about it now and need to know that I am passing this course.”

“I am very sorry, Mr. Pettigrew. I’ve made it very clear what my office hours are, and the weekends certainly are not days that I speak to students unless it is an absolute emergency. You will have to come see me on Monday.”

The door finally opened wide and Umbridge marched inside. Seconds later, the room was bright with light as every candle in the room had been lit with a wave of her small wand. Before any of them could move however, Umbridge had started to close the door only to find that Peter had followed her inside.

“Mr. Pettigrew, I do not have the patience to deal with you tonight,” Umbridge snapped as her eyes darted around her office. “I am certain that you and your friends are up to something. After all, why weren’t they in the Great Hall with you?”

Sirius touched Remus’ arm and nodded his head towards the door. It was now or never. If they didn’t try to leave now, they would be stuck with Umbridge and who knew how long it would be until they could safely leave the room again without her finding out they were there. As silently and carefully as they could, they got out of the office and took off down the hall, trying their best to remain as quiet as possible. They didn’t stop running until they put as much distance as they could between Umbridge’s office before they came to a stop outside of an unused classroom. Without saying a word, Sirius opened the door and shoved Remus inside it and pushed him into a chair.

“What do you think you’re playing at, Sirius?” James hissed indignantly as he followed after them. He shoved his Cloak into his bag and stood in the doorway, watching Sirius warily.

Sirius didn’t release his hold of Remus until after he ensured that they were alone, and that the door was shut. He grabbed for another chair and placed it right in front of Remus and took a seat.

“It’s time for answers,” said Sirius angrily. “I want to know what is going on and why Umbridge forced you to write ‘Monster’ for your detention. I want to know why she’s been targeting you. Why does she have a file on you? What does it mean when she’s called for an investigation to expose a werewolf that she feels has infiltrated Hogwarts?”

James rushed forward and put himself in front of Remus. “Sirius listen to yourself! How can Remus possibly know why that file exists? It could be that Umbridge isn’t the most organized professors. It seems that she just put Remus’ school file in another location and placed a letter talking about another matter into it…”

Sirius ignored him. “Tell me the truth, Remus. Your monthly disappearances have nothing to do with your mother, do they? The reason for why you disappear is because it is you that is sick, right? The reason for why you look horrible isn’t because you get into scrapes with the Slytherins but because you are sick and need treatment for your illness. That is why the teachers are lenient with you! That is why McGonagall comes to collect you. It isn’t because you need to return home, it’s because you are the one that needs help.”

Remus felt as though a cold hand had reached into his chest and clenched his heart tightly, squeezing it so hard that he felt as though he couldn’t breathe. He looked wildly from James to Sirius, unable to say a word because he had no idea what to say. It was his worst nightmare coming true. He was finally being cornered by his friends who demanded to know the truth, and then he was going to be attacked by the very people that he loved and chased from Hogwarts. He was so deep in his thoughts that he only became aware of the raging argument above him when Sirius sprung up from his chair and James had grabbed him round the middle and threw him back down in the chair.

“I am sure there is a logical explanation, Sirius!” James yelled, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. “There is no need to blame Remus for any of this.”

“I am not blaming him for anything!” Sirius yelled back. “It’s just for once I want to know the truth because he’s been lying to us since the beginning.”

“What do you think you are doing just by saying that? You’re blaming him! So, what if he doesn’t want to tell you what’s going on? Do you think it is any of your business? If he wants to tell us what is wrong then let him, but if not then you need to respect that!”

“You don’t think that I haven’t been respecting him…”

“Not now you’re not!” James roared, angrier than he had ever been before. “You seem to think that a file in a teacher’s shelf proves your theory that Remus is some kind of…”

“There was a letter addressed to the Ministry asking for an investigation...”

“What made you grab for the file, anyway?” James interrupted furiously. “What made you want to open it and read through it?”

Sirius jumped to his feet so quickly that the chair he had been sitting in fell to the floor with a crash. The loud noise made Remus jump and cover his ears. “Remus is our friend, James! This person has been targeting him for a reason. We both know Umbridge and what she’s like. There’s something going on here and I don’t like the idea of knowing that somebody that I am great friends with is at risk by somebody who seems to think that she’s got something on him. This woman has destroyed many peoples lives! If she’s got it in for one of my best friends, I want to know what is going on so I can at least help him!”

For a moment there was silence, but then James looked round to Remus who sat white-faced and miserable behind him. He turned to face Sirius who seemed to be horrified by what had just happened and stepped closer towards him with his hands held up to show that he was no longer fighting. “What would you have done if you had found something that you weren’t expecting in that folder?”

The question was asked so softly that it seemed that Sirius didn’t hear it, but a few seconds later his face softened as all anger seemed to lift away from him. He was silent for a few moments, obviously struggling with what he wanted to say, but then he turned to Remus and shook his head. “Whatever was in that folder wouldn’t have affected our friendship one bit. We both know what Umbridge knows about you and why she’s been torturing you since she first laid eyes on you. However, having it confirmed in that report wouldn’t ever damage our friendship.”

Remus didn’t know what to think about any of this. He felt overwhelmed and heartsick, and he suddenly felt exhaustion hit him. He pushed himself up from his chair and staggered over to the door. For a few moments, he stood in the doorway without moving before he looked behind him to where his two best friends stood watching him. Then, without saying a word, he pulled open the door and disappeared from the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Canonically, we do not know Umbridge's true age or the year she was born. Some sites list her as being out of Hogwarts by the time Remus and the others started attending, others state that she could have been only a few years younger and could have started her first year when the Marauders were in their fourth or fifth year. It is noted on Pottermore, that Snape clearly dislikes her and teases the reader into believing that perhaps Snape would have known Umbridge while she was attending school.
> 
> However, out of respect for the author of 'The Marauders and Umbridge', I will keep the age of Umbridge the same as it was when she was tormenting Harry in his fifth year. This is due to the fact that the writer's intention was to explore what damage Umbridge could have inflicted to Remus had she known that there was a werewolf attending Hogwarts.
> 
> I imagine she would have been very horrified and angry once she found out that one of her students, who by all accounts was an exceptionally talented and bright student was suffering with Lycanthropy.


End file.
